Answers and Admissions
by Wldwmn
Summary: Missing Moment, Strawberries and Cream Part 1. What was Jane's real reason for refusing to leave Lisbon's side? Definite Jisbon, a little angst, SPOILERS for Season 3 finale  obviously .


**Disclaimer: They're not mine.**

**A/N: SPOILER ALERT! Okay, the finale was awesome and shocking and disturbing and surprising. My heart was literally pounding at times. And the scenes with the vest bomb were so Jisbon they bounced around in my head till I wrote this. Hope you like it!**

**Summary: Missing Moment, Strawberries and Cream Part 1. Definite Jisbon, a little angst, spoilers for Season 3 finale (obviously).**

**Answers and Admissions**

Lisbon and Jane were silent as they walked to her car to drive back towards CBI. Lisbon personally couldn't believe it. Why was it that nearly every time they had a link to Red John the person ended up dead? Moments before, their most recent suspect had been shot to death by LaRoche for trying to escape. Wasn't that convenient? She snorted.

"You're right. It does seem a bit staged." Jane said, replying to a statement she hadn't made, at least not out loud.

"There are times, Jane, when I really hate you for reading my mind." Lisbon snapped, but quickly relaxed. "Now, however, isn't one of them. It may be that the less we say out loud about this here, the better."

They reached her car, and got inside. With the doors closed and keys in the ignition, Lisbon rounded on him. "Okay Jane, out with it."

"For once I don't know what you're talking about. Give me a hint," he said, smiling.

"Tell me the real reason you didn't listen to me when I ordered you out of that room containing me, the bomb vest, and the late Mr. Gupta," she said.

Jane was caught off guard, but rallied instantly. "What about the whole 'less we say out loud' suggestion? Can't you just accept my earlier response of huge ego and unwillingness to appear a coward?" he asked.

"No, Jane. I won't. I always listen to what you say and I sometimes even believe what you tell me, but in this case I'm calling sheep dip." Lisbon sighed. "I'm fully aware of your ego. Yet I've seen you run from danger before. You know that I don't consider you a coward for doing so. So why didn't you this time?"

"Do we seriously need to get into this now? We're in the middle of everything, we're on our way from one crime scene to possibly another, and we're both tired and upset. Maybe we should just let this wait," he said, his tone pleading with her to agree.

But Lisbon wasn't feeling particularly agreeable tonight. "No! We're traveling and we have to talk anyway to keep each other awake. So we're going to go over this and sort it out, the two of us. I'm not going to drop this so you might as well stop fighting me."

Jane groaned, but uncharacteristically gave in. "Fine. You ask me the questions and I'll answer," he said, his eyes flickering as they passed each lamppost.

Lisbon was a little surprised, and more than a little suspicious at his surrender, but she pressed forward. "When we first got the phone call and I said I wouldn't comply with Gupta's request, why did you cut in and contradict me, giving away your presence?"

"That one's easy, at least. I thought he would kill you outright if you didn't at least pretend to go along with his plan at first."

"Okay, I'll buy that. Why did you make such a big deal of the 'in case we never get out of this I have something I need to tell you' speech and then never tell me anything?" she asked.

"Also easy. I had nothing I was planning to tell you. I was stalling for time, and I thought Mr. Gupta might have some morbid curiosity about the two of us. I was right; it kept him distracted while I picked the lock," he replied.

"That explanation's a little harder to swallow, Jane." Lisbon paused, slightly embarrassed. "I know there are things that you and I don't talk about, things we've said to each other over the past few years and then never followed up on. It may be time to change that," she said, and gave him a long look.

Jane frowned, uncomfortable in the extreme. "Really, Lisbon? Right _now_?"

Lisbon relented. "Maybe not right this second. Dealing with everything of the past three years is a bit much for one car ride. We'll stick to tonight."

"Okay. Next question," he said, obviously relieved.

"Yes, and this is the big one, Jane. Why didn't you listen to me when I ordered you out of that room?" she asked. The car went quiet. "I'm waiting."

Jane took a deep breath. "Well, it's easier to distract someone with two people there instead of one. Remember, it was because he was trying to focus on both of us that I was able to get the detonator out of his hand. You had a better chance of surviving with me there. So I stayed, since two is more than one." he said, and exhaled sharply.

"I can count, Jane. But I'm your boss and I gave you an order. You may not be an agent but as a part of my team you are supposed to do as I ask," she said, still pressing further.

"Like that has ever stopped me from trying to save your life before, Lisbon. Your life matters more to me than the rules, or CBI policy, or even your orders." Jane answered, and turned away to look out the window.

Lisbon recognized that gesture of his as a cutoff, but persisted. "That's very touching, Jane, but you're still keeping something back. I need to know exactly what is going on-"

"Why are you pushing this?" Jane interrupted. "We both know what happened. Now that it's over, let's just let it go! The _why_ of it doesn't matter!"

That did it. Lisbon pulled over to the side of the road and stopped the car. She turned to face Jane fully. "It matters to me! The secrets of the past year have gotten overwhelming. Only in the last couple of weeks have I had an inkling of what was going on with you and I've tried my best to help." She paused, and then glared at him. "But you have to meet me halfway. You have to explain things when I don't understand. I don't care if it makes me seem stupid to you."

"Good grief woman, do I really have to spell it out? I didn't leave that room at your orders, Teresa, because I couldn't bear it if you died! I knew that no matter what anyone did there was still a strong chance you'd be blown up, and if you were I wanted to be there too so I wouldn't have to live without you! Because I don't think I can, anymore. I don't think I can live without you." Jane then crossed his arms and looked at her.

"Okay, I guess that means we _are_ going to talk about this." Lisbon said lamely after a shocked silence. She could feel a blush starting to color her cheeks, and prayed that the night hid it from him.

"Sensational. You go first." Jane said, still upset from his forced confession.

"Fine. I care for you deeply. I told you once that there were people who needed you. I wasn't ready at the time to say I needed you, but that's what I meant." Lisbon stopped, and cringed inwardly. Why did this never get any easier? But she went on. "I've seen you be brave on my behalf and kill to save my life. I've written a book's worth of paperwork excusing your actions, Patrick, and I've played along with more of your tricks than I can count. So I guess my last question is, if I mean so much to you, why aren't we together? If you can't live without me, why on earth aren't you _with _me?" She then looked at him.

Jane was quiet for a moment. When he spoke, his voice was low and sad. "Red John is why. He kills what I love. And until he's dead, I can't move on. It's not that I don't want us to be together. Did you know I had a dream about us once? It involved a little house on the beach, and you in a white dress with a baby in your arms. And that's when I realized that it was possible for me to be happy again, as long as I could be with you. Unfortunately, at the same time I realized that I can't be with you until this mess is finally over."

Lisbon waited for him to continue, but Jane had lapsed into silence. She sighed. "I hate to admit it, but you're right. Because I'm not sharing you with Red John. And I'm not filling in for the ghosts of your past while you wait for revenge. Until it's all over, I guess this is how it has to be. How I feel about it doesn't matter."

Jane reached over and took her hand. "It matters to me."

She looked down at their clasped hands and squeezed. "Then I'll just tell you that I love you right now, and we won't talk about it anymore."

He squeezed back. "I love you, too. Will you let me kiss you before we go back to not dealing with this?"

"This _was_ dealing with it, Jane. Now we both know where we stand. Any move we make from here on is forward." Lisbon looked at the dashboard clock, and frowned. "We need to get going again, but yes, first you can kiss me."

He leaned towards her and cupped her face in his hands. Her eyes fluttered closed as his lips brushed hers gently, then settled on them more firmly. She made a soft sound of approval in her throat, and nibbled lightly at his lower lip. Her fingers slid into his blonde curls, as he pressed closer, deepening the kiss. His hands moved and settled at her waist, slipping beneath her shirt to trace slow circles on her skin.

She pulled away then, earning a brief unhappy murmur from him. "Let's get going. Cho is probably wondering where we are," she said as the car's engine roared back to life.

"If he asks, I'll just tell him we had to sort some stuff out, then make out." Jane said, grinning.

"That's not funny! Don't you say a word about any of this!" Lisbon screeched.

"Oh come on! I finally get to make time with you and I can't tell anybody? That's so unfair!" Jane whined, teasing.

The sounds of their not-really-an-argument faded into the night as the car sped away.

**The End**


End file.
